To be a man
by Kasia B
Summary: B.A tells Murdock about personal problem. Will big guy be able to change his way of thinking? Reviews re welcome. Please forgive me any language mistakes.
Please forgive me any language mistakes.

Nobody expected this. Not Face nor Frankie, not even Murdock, but B.A., who was always last to romance, became first team's member, who happily got married. His wife, Shirley, was nurse in hospital in little town, west Virginia, so they lived close to rest of guys and when they finally received a pardon promised by Stockwell, just few weeks after big guy's wedding, and when he found job as a mechanic, he was happiest guy on this Earth.

But soon after their first anniversary something began to change. B.A never used to talk a lot, but now he almost didn't speak at all. His eyes were sad, even when he was smiling. And, what was most worrying and weird, he stopped calling Murdock a 'crazy fool'.

Someday they met all in Langley, guys, Shirley and Amy, who was dating Face, to watch Superbowl final match. More than into tv, Murdock peered at B.A's and his wife behavior.

Initially he thought, that big guy acts like that because maybe he has some problem with his relationship, like every couple has from time to time, but they still looked like newlyweds. Murdock was confused, he had to know, what's going on. He decided to use opportunity during break in match, when Hannibal went out to smoke with Frankie, Face went to bathroom and Shirley was talking with Amy.

He accosted Baracus and when big guy looked at him, Murdock pointed to kitchen with head's move.

Pilot opened fridge and said:

"We have to talk to, B.A. I can see something is bothering you really strong."

He took beer for himself and milk for his friend.

"I want beer too" B.A said.open in browser P

"What?! But you don't drink alcohol."

Murdock was really surprised, but when he saw Baracus's glare, he hid milk and gave cold can to B.A. They sat around a table.

"If you tell anyone, I'll kill you."

H.M. simulated to gulp with fear.

"We was trying to conceive" Baracus started. "But when after a year there still was no effect, we decided to get tested. We can't have children."

He took few really big sips of beer.

Murdock looked at him with pain on his face. He knew, how much big guy loves kids. Everybody knew.

"And it's my fault. I'm infertile. I'm no longer a man" B.A said quietly and mangled can in his hand and tightened his eyelids.

Murdock looked to huge golden cross on B.A.'s neck. Both of them, Bosco and Shirley, were very religious, so question about in vitro fertilization would be ridiculous. He inclined toward his friend and rested his forearms on the table.

"You're strongest guy that I know. You fought on war. As a soldier of fortune, you've helped so many people. You set an example for kiddies in club. And, what is most important, you treat your woman with great respect and love. If you're not a man, I don't know who is."

H.M. Shook his head with incredulity.

"Real man wouldn't be a reason of misery to his wife for whole her life. I know she won't leave me, she promised in front of God, but she'll be unhappy."

Tears appeared on B.A.'s cheeks **.**

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"But still you can adopt to" Murdock said. "Both of you have job, there shouldn't be problems"

"Man, it's not the same" Baracus sighted. "You know, blood from my blood, bone from my bone...Little girl with curly hair like her mother has..." His eyes filled up with tears again.

"Shirley tries to convince me, but...I couldn't. Kid from orphanage would remind me every day my failure as a man."

Murdock lied his hand on sergeant's hand and said:

"Failure? Please, stop this medieval way of thinking. Look, big guy. Black and white. We're so obviously different, that everybody at first sight thinks they know that we're not a family. But they wrong. We are family. You are a brother to me, no matter how many times you'll call me 'crazy fool' and try to garrote me. You see? We even have our little fights like real brothers. Because biology isn't most important."

H.M. Stood up, took his can of beer and turned to kitchen's door.

"Murdock?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Murdock smiled warmly. When pilot went out, Baracus lifted himself heavily and binned empty can. He went out wiping his tears and suddenly heard voice calling him.

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"B.A.?"

Baracus turned back and saw Face. Lieutenant was leaning against wall near kitchen's door.

"You were overhearing!" Baracus growled and raised his fist.

"Calm yourself. I did, but only because I'm worrying about you. I won't tell nobody."

They were both silent for a moment. B.A dropped his hand.

"You should try."

"You're sayin' this, Facey? Don't you remember already, when you were relating to us about your childhood? In trenches in 'Nam? About disappointment, when couples choose another kid, not you? I couldn't stand this gaze. And it's impossible to adopt all children.

"B.A. ...It's still better to give warm and safety home to one kid than to none."

"You're not objective".

"Sure, I'm not." Face said and patted his friend on the shoulder. "No one can force you, but...Just think about it".

Although B.A didn't want it, few days after his talk with Murdock and Face he still couldn't forget their words. Finally he decided to go to nearest orphanage with Shirley. She reacted with excitation, but he quenched her enthusiasm.

"I don't promise nothing. Just wanna know something more about proceedings. I'm just curious." he told her.

It was warm, sunny day. Kids were on playground across an orphanage, but one little boy with slanting eyes wasn't playing with others. He was sitting under the tree and looking forward. Could have had 5 or 6 years. When he noticed black-skinned couple coming to building he stood up and ran up to them.

"Hi man, what's your name?" B.A asked him and crouched.

"Quang" – kid answered quietly. He looked sad.

"I'm B.A. Why don't you play with colleagues?"

"They laugh at me because of my eyes."

"So tell them, that this means you're special. That you can see more than others."

"But I can't"

"Of course you can. When someone laughs at you you can see his foolishness."

"B.A." Shirley said and lied hand on his shoulder. "We don't have much time. I must be back at hospital at 4pm."

"I have to go man. Don't let this suckers push you around!"

"Bye" Quang said and watched them entering doors.

"It wasn't very eductional" Shirley smiled.

Her husband scratched his head with embarrassment, but didn't say anything.

When talk with orphanage's principal seemed to end, B.A asked her:

"Could you tell me something about this Asian kiddy, Quang?"

"How did you know his name?"

"He came to us in the courtyard."

"Oh...This is a little bit weird...He used to by very shy. Well, he's 6 years old half-Vietnamese. His father, an American, fought in Vietnam, and there he met Quang's mother. When war ended, he came back to US with her and they got married. Unfortunately, she died in childbirth. He had mental problems because of war experiences, so childcare became a huge problem to him. His family never accepted his relationship with Vietnamese woman, so they refused to

help. When Quang was 2 years old, his father committed suicide."

Baracus transported his wife to work in silence. Next few days they didn't talk about visit in orphanage, but one evening he decides it's time to talk about future of their family. Shirley foreknew what he's gonna say and she didn't like it.

"You want to adopt to Quang, don't you?" she started.

"Yes. I tought you'll be glad I've changed my mind."

"Sure, but why so...Herky-jerky?" she put her hand on B.A.'s cheek. "Darling, I was sure, that you gonna accept only black kid..."

"I did so."

"So what changed? Did you think about consequences? Black couple with

Vietnamese boy?"

"Do you care about what neighbours will say?"

"Oh come on! Of course I don't. But if other kids saw Quang with people who obviusly aren't his parents...They gonna laught at him even more than now those kids in orphanage."

"Shirley." Baracus said and touched her hand. "I think this is an excuse. You're more affraid about us than about him. And I don't blame you, I'd be affraid too. Times has changed, but still not everybody are truly tolerant."

"So tell me, why you're so stubborn?"

"Because i think this might be a sing from God. Quang's father was a veteran, like me. I was blessed with my wonderful friends, who helped me went through the hell of war, and of course with my beloved wife."

He caressed her.

"It's time to repay my debt. And second thing is it all looks like he chose us. Do you remember, what principal said? Boy didn't use to hook strangers, but this time something touched him and gave him courage..."

"I don't know, B.A., I don't know...Now I understand you, but it seems too hard for me."

She looked sad at man.

"I can't force you. Just think about it." B.A paraphrased Face's words.

During next days Shirley thought a lot, prayed and shared her concerns with Amy. Finally, she decides to accept her husband will and adopt little Vietnamese. When she told it to B.A, his face beamed on.

"Are you sure?" he asked, couldn't believe it.

"No." she answered sincerly. "But if you'll be happy, I'll be happy too."

"You'll be best mother in the world. With God's help, we can do it."

He hugged her thight.

"I have to call my mom."

Just after talk with future grandmother Baracus called Murdock and told him joyful news.

"Yay, I'll be an uncle!"

"But if you'll be talking with my son about invisible dogs..."

"Oh come on, big guy...You know what?"

"What, you fool?" B.A asked with laugh.

"You're terrific man."

THE END


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